5: # 4 steps to Non Violent Communication.

A year after my husband died I attended a workshop ‘Non Violent Communication’ of Marshall Rosenberg. On my way to the seminar at the Erasmus University in Rotterdam, I met an Italien lady who went to a similar workshop from him in England years before. She used the technic in raising her 4 year old daughter and was so grateful for the information she got. It changed her Family life completely.

During my training to become a therapist I noticed the impact of unconscious communication. Also in the relation with my kids, clients, friends I became aware of the influence of conscious communication for us as human beings.

We are conditioned to tell what we don’t want instead of what we want. Also to express our negative instead of our positive feelings and give orders instead of doing requests. Often we are afraid to express our true feelings and when we really do we give others the possibility to tune in and this results in understanding.

Using the technic at home in the therapy and coaching we provide, I realized how

supportive it is in getting other results. The feedback of clients I get is really amazing, the interaction between colleagues, siblings, Family, friends improved so positively. Even my own children tell me: “ Thank you Mom, we get along very well!”

Gandhi said:” Violence starts in our language!” So maybe it is could to get aware of the way we speak.

Non Violent Communication asks us to speak from what we see, hear or notice, without the use of the words: ‘You’ or ‘Your’  and ‘Not or None’

The steps are:

1.    To speak from the ‘I’

2.    Express our feeling about the issue.

3.    Tell what we really want.

4.    Do the request.

When we start communicating in this way, infighting will disappear and we really get to the core of the things we want to discuss. We are more clear and speak form our truth.

I am also very happy with the tools I got from Marshall and the positive changes it brought into my life.

How do you communicate with others? Are you aware of the words you use? Do you speak from what you want or don’t want? What changes would you like for yourself?

Do you leave someone behind with the impression of increase? This will be the theme of my next post.

Jeannette Knoppers, www.switchtoresults.com