5: # 4 steps to Non Violent Communication.

A year after my husband died I attended a workshop ‘Non Violent Communication’ of Marshall Rosenberg. On my way to the seminar at the Erasmus University in Rotterdam, I met an Italien lady who went to a similar workshop from him in England years before. She used the technic in raising her 4 year old daughter and was so grateful for the information she got. It changed her Family life completely.

During my training to become a therapist I noticed the impact of unconscious communication. Also in the relation with my kids, clients, friends I became aware of the influence of conscious communication for us as human beings.

We are conditioned to tell what we don’t want instead of what we want. Also to express our negative instead of our positive feelings and give orders instead of doing requests. Often we are afraid to express our true feelings and when we really do we give others the possibility to tune in and this results in understanding.

Using the technic at home in the therapy and coaching we provide, I realized how

supportive it is in getting other results. The feedback of clients I get is really amazing, the interaction between colleagues, siblings, Family, friends improved so positively. Even my own children tell me: “ Thank you Mom, we get along very well!”

Gandhi said:” Violence starts in our language!” So maybe it is could to get aware of the way we speak.

Non Violent Communication asks us to speak from what we see, hear or notice, without the use of the words: ‘You’ or ‘Your’  and ‘Not or None’

The steps are:

1.    To speak from the ‘I’

2.    Express our feeling about the issue.

3.    Tell what we really want.

4.    Do the request.

When we start communicating in this way, infighting will disappear and we really get to the core of the things we want to discuss. We are more clear and speak form our truth.

I am also very happy with the tools I got from Marshall and the positive changes it brought into my life.

How do you communicate with others? Are you aware of the words you use? Do you speak from what you want or don’t want? What changes would you like for yourself?

Do you leave someone behind with the impression of increase? This will be the theme of my next post.

Jeannette Knoppers, www.switchtoresults.com

#6  questions to get aware of your non supportive habits

Our attitude is built up by a multitude of habits. Most of the time we live on autopilot and do our daily stuff automatically. Often we’re not aware of our bahaviour and habtis and they can keep us away from the results we really want out of life. We all have 24 hours each day and why is that some get successful and others get lost?

When I think of my own behaviour there are also a few who can be improved. For example my internet use. When I open FB, email in the morning or any other time of the day, I can lose time reading, clicking posts and answering messages. After some time I realize that I had to accomplish other, more important tasks, first. And at least 45 minutes more are gone.

Ask yourself these 6 questions:

1.    Are you aware of your behaviour and your habits?

2.    Which of them aren’t supportive?

3.    Through which of them you won’t get the results you really want?

4.    In what way do these behaviours and habits create distraction in your life?

5.    How do you lose time?

6.    Do you have an action list?

Take 2 pieces of paper, one for the NON SUPPORTIVE ones and one for the SUPPORTIVE ones. Again close your eyes for 4 or 5 minutes, breath in through your nose and longer out through your mouth. Be in silence for this time and be honest to yourself.

Write all these non supportive ones on a piece of paper and write down the way you like to see them changed in supportive ones, on the other paper.

Burn or tear the paper with not supportive ones apart, it is symbolic. Stick the supportive ones on a wall of your office, somewhere you can read them often. It helps you to remind of your new intentions.

It takes 21 till 30 days to change a habit, so start with one or two first. Every time you fail, start over again. Discipline, dedication and perceverance are required to fulfill your goal. And when you feel stuck….read your vision, look at your moodboard, listen to your recording or what ever you made and you will feel more motivated and inspired.

Know that you are born perfect, with a great reservoir of infinite potential. Believe in yourself and your future goal

Jeannette Knoppers, www.switchtoresults.com

 #10 ways to maintain your purpose in life.

When you discovered your goal, uncovered were you are good at, opened up your unique talents, the reason why you are here and the realisation of your uniqueness, how will you maintain your Lifepurpose?

The answer is:” By ‘feeding’ it every day!”

Some examples of how to do this are:

1.  Make a mood board by cutting and glueing pitcures expressing your Lifepurpose. Put it on the wall or ceiling, a place where you can see the pictures often. One picture is worth a 1000 words!
2.  Write down your goal in detail in the present tense. Where do you want to be in 3 years from now? What do you like to have, do, see, create, live, how do you want to serve humanity and how does it feel?
3.  Make a goal card from this detailed goal with your concisely shown worthy ideal. Put it in your pocket or bag and every time you touch it you will be reminded of you Life Purpose.
4.  Make a recording of your goal in detail and play it as much as you can.
5. Create a MindMovie (http://www.MindMovies.com) a wonderful way to see your purpose while working at your computer.
6.  Put your worthy Ideal at the the screen of your computer so you can read it every day.
7. Before you go to bed, read your detailed Life Purpose. Your subconscious will work on it at night and install it in your system.
8. Do this again immediately after you wake up so you will feel energized in accomplishing your goal.
9. Write down your worthy Ideal 25 times each morning before you get out of bed and 25 times each evening before you go to sleep. It will inspire your ambition which is the fuel to move forward to your dream.
10. See that your goal is a reality already and feel it. Most of us think that it is the Law of attraction and it really is the Law of vibration. Our emotions, feelings create our world. So be careful with your thoughts, feelings and actions, you are the one who is listening and acting.

And above all: “YOU HAVE TO HUNGRY”  as my mentor Les Brown always tells us. “LOVE YOURSELF, YOU HAVE GREATNESS WITHIN! “

Jeannette Knoppers

www.switchtoresults.com